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Anger Management Miracle: Focus on What You
Anger focuses on situations and actions we don’t want.
This is like wanting the tire on your car to stop being flat.
You can want all you want.
But, to resolve the problem, you have to identify what needs to be done to fix the tire. Then take the action to achieve it.
But, it can be hard to figure out what you need.
Especially since most people have been programmed from early ages that needs are bad or selfish, and a person is better, stronger or more acceptable when they do not have needs.
This is like saying a person who stops breathing is better, stronger or more acceptable than the humans who need oxygen to stay alive. It makes no sense.
Needs are an inner compass and direction showing us how to live and do well.
Needs are your inborn owner’s manual. They are interactive so when your needs are not being met, your emotions and body let you know.
Improve Your Life Instantly by Identifying Your Needs
Life can be tough, really tough. People can be…well you know…they can be difficult, to say the least.
When you feel the twings of anger, this is the red light warning signal that your needs are not being met. It is the inner compass saying “go inside and ask yourself what you want and need.”
Say a person gets angry when around a co-worker. The question becomes, when you are around this person, what needs are not being met?
It could be the person is not helping you meet your needs or it could be the person is just triggering a reminder that your needs are not being met.
Let’s say you were in a meeting with a person who interrupted you.
If you are trained to think and communicate like most people, you might say to the other person, “You are an idiot. You make me so mad. I want you to stop interrupting me.”
The problem with this response is that the other person hears how they are wrong (blame) and what you DON’T want. This gives the other person every option but what you don’t want. They may figure, “Okay, I will make sure I don’t interrupt you by making sure you don’t talk.”
The other person may solve the problem by dominating the conversation.
Or here is another possible result from this statement. The other person may stop talking and expect you to mind-read, punishing when your guesses are wrong.
How to Get What You Want
You are much more likely to get your needs met when you formulate a positive request that clearly states what actions would meet your needs.
For example, “Would you agree to listen until I finish my sentence, and keep your comments related directly to the topic at hand?”
Place the focus on what you do want, not on what you don’t want.
Posted by Lori Prokop
