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3 Steps to Successfully Deal with Angry People when Tempers Flare or Violence Looms
Did you know three amazing insights are happening when people get angry?
1) We are upset our needs are not being met
2) We are blaming ourselves or others for us not getting what we want
3) If we speak or act from anger, it will almost guarantee we will not get what we want or we will regret it later.
When we feel angry, we are focused on what we don’t want or don’t have. Our thinking becomes about the wrongness of others.
The tragedy is we have lost sight of what we do want and need.
Here is step one of my 10 step Launch from Good to Great Anger Management System to transform your own anger and successfully deal with difficult, angry people.
Step 1: Anger is a Blinking Red Light
You’re approaching an intersection and see the stop lights aren’t working as they normally would. They are blinking red in all four directions.
Drivers know a blinking red light means to stop, pause and evaluate the situation before moving ahead. They appreciate the blinking red light, because they understand its importance. It warns them of oncoming traffic preventing harm and providing the opportunity for choice.
The driver’s goal is not to ignore the blinking red light.
Just like a blinking red light draws a driver’s attention to an intersection of options, anger can be a wonderful wake up call to see what needs are important to you and provide you an opportunity to choose.
The purpose of your emotions and their physical manifestations in your body are to give you a physical sign when your needs are and are not being met.
When you feel good, your needs are being met.
When you feel bad, your needs are not being met.
Step one says when tempers flare or violence emerges…to make life enjoyable again for yourself and others:
1) Focus your thoughts on what you need
2) Heal any images of others being “wrong.” These are called enemy images.
3) The goal is for all parties to have their needs met.
You may be saying, “How could I possibly care about the needs of others when they are wrong or have done something terrible?”
Stick with me here. You’ll be amazed at how wonderful applying this anger management system will feel.
To resolve tempers or violence, remember, you can make life peaceful and enjoyable for yourself and others when you choose to focus on what you need, and put aside any enemy images of the other person as “wrong.”
To make your life more wonderful quickly, make your goal to identify your unfulfilled needs and intend a resolution so satisfying that everyone involved gets their needs met too.
Posted by Lori Prokop
Comments
It seems simple, but what do you do when someone is going back and bringing up every wrong or uncomfortable thing that you have done? What if this person doesn't stop no matter what you say or do? It doesn't result in violence, but the person makes me feel awful.
Posted by: Barbara at August 29, 2006 1:46 AM
Do not exactly understand this one know what the words are saying but not mind set change or fockus.
need different example or situation.
Posted by: Linda at July 3, 2006 8:10 PM
