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June 28, 2006 03:16 PM
3 Steps to Successfully Deal with Angry People when Tempers Flare or Violence Looms
Did you know three amazing insights are happening when people get angry?
1) We are upset our needs are not being met
2) We are blaming ourselves or others for us not getting what we want
3) If we speak or act from anger, it will almost guarantee we will not get what we want or we will regret it later.
When we feel angry, we are focused on what we don’t want or don’t have. Our thinking becomes about the wrongness of others.
The tragedy is we have lost sight of what we do want and need.
Here is step one of my 10 step Launch from Good to Great Anger Management System to transform your own anger and successfully deal with difficult, angry people.
Step 1: Anger is a Blinking Red Light
You’re approaching an intersection and see the stop lights aren’t working as they normally would. They are blinking red in all four directions.
Drivers know a blinking red light means to stop, pause and evaluate the situation before moving ahead. They appreciate the blinking red light, because they understand its importance. It warns them of oncoming traffic preventing harm and providing the opportunity for choice.
The driver’s goal is not to ignore the blinking red light.
Just like a blinking red light draws a driver’s attention to an intersection of options, anger can be a wonderful wake up call to see what needs are important to you and provide you an opportunity to choose.
The purpose of your emotions and their physical manifestations in your body are to give you a physical sign when your needs are and are not being met.
When you feel good, your needs are being met.
When you feel bad, your needs are not being met.
Step one says when tempers flare or violence emerges…to make life enjoyable again for yourself and others:
1) Focus your thoughts on what you need
2) Heal any images of others being “wrong.” These are called enemy images.
3) The goal is for all parties to have their needs met.
You may be saying, “How could I possibly care about the needs of others when they are wrong or have done something terrible?”
Stick with me here. You’ll be amazed at how wonderful applying this anger management system will feel.
To resolve tempers or violence, remember, you can make life peaceful and enjoyable for yourself and others when you choose to focus on what you need, and put aside any enemy images of the other person as “wrong.”
To make your life more wonderful quickly, make your goal to identify your unfulfilled needs and intend a resolution so satisfying that everyone involved gets their needs met too.
Posted by Lori Prokop at 3:16 PM | Comments (2)
June 24, 2006 05:15 PM
Anger Management: 10 Steps to Transform Anger and Successfully Deal with Angry People
Every minute of the day, you are alive with feelings wanting to be expressed and needs desiring to be fulfilled.
It feels great to live in harmony with what you desire. It feels really good to help other people experience what they desire, when there is no coercion, force, intimidation or manipulation involved.
Is it possible to get what you want in way that feels safe and good?
Yes, it’s possible to get what you want and have your needs met, even when you deal with angry people.
Here are the 10 steps to transform anger and successfully deal with angry people.
Anger Management System 10 Step Summary:
Step 1
Learn anger is a valuable warning signal of unfulfilled needs.
It says to stop and become aware of your unfulfilled needs and the feelings created by those unfulfilled needs.
Begin to look for result that would make your life more fulfilling, satisfying and wonderful.
Step 2
Learn to identify just the facts.
Step 3
You learn your feelings result from your needs being met or not being met and never from what another person does or doesn’t do.
Step 4
You take control of your thinking and focus your awareness on your feelings and needs.
Step 5
You experience more personal power, contentment and ease as you get in touch with your needs and realize you can take positive actions to get your needs met.
Steps 6 and 7
You determine and identify positive actions that will meet your needs right now.
Step 8
Your awareness moves to others involved.
Before talking to them, you guess what the other person feels and needs.
You identify actions which might contribute to his or her needs being met.
Step 9
Chose who you would like to speak first with the knowingness you can continue talking until all needs are met through actions everyone is in agreement with and willing to take.
Step 10
Now it’s time to talk.
You put the steps into action communicating your observations, feelings, needs and requests and receiving the other person’s observations, feelings, needs and requests.
You stay focused on making clear requests and how you feel about what is being requested of you.
As you listen to the request, if you feel good, you might consider agreeing to the request.
If you feel bad, you might consider say no to the request and working towards a request you feel good about agreeing to.
You continue until everyone’s needs are met through actions everyone feels good about and agrees to take.
Will this work even with difficult, unreasonable and angry people? It has resolved wars, solved corporate battles, mended families and much more.
Posted by Lori Prokop at 5:15 PM | Comments (1)
